Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize