I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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