I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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