You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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