If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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