Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
