it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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