two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
