end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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