I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
