Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Randomize
