escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The power of my boobs compel you
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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