omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
