The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
