im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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