im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
