I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
