you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
