Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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