is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
