I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize