I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
