a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
