I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
kristin has been a bad kristin
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
