if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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