I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
