When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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