she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
