We're like a lot better than the average bears
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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