I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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