i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
