If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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