His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
