You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize