I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This is classic penis vs brain.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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