There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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