remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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