call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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