farters have to be the big spoon...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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