break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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