I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
