i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
