This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Fuck appropriateness.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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