i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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