i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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