I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize