Soap is not a condiment
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
