Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
