i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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