So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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