my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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