If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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