like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
