Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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