So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
