If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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