when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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