i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
