It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The beer is more important than you right now.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
