My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
they're like a gay fantastic four
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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