We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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