i think my mom watched the whole time
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
The ass gains better be worth it
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