I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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