there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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