do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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