just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
