This is not my ceiling
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize