I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
