Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
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