And the cops told us we were all naked.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
