Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
