Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
