I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
