I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
